i don't think i am a very good blogger! it has been a year since i have written anything! i still dont know what to write...actually that is a lie...i do know what to write i just don't know where to start and do i want to write stuff on here that is personal? do i want to....well share feelings, be vulnerable, open up?
so. what has changed from last year? the scary part...not a lot! i'm still trying to sort through crap, clear out the clutter...physical and emotional clutter. i guess i have been stuck for a long time...too long. things are shifting though. huge things have happened.
my partner has had bypass surgery. there i said it. it still seems strange to me. my husband had a heart attack. it seems so dramatic. it was my life,my reality. and i know it happened to him, it affected him but it also affected me....so much. i think about mortality a lot...me, him, the kids. i realise how incredibly lucky he was, how lucky me and the girls are....how incredibly lucky. but to make it all extra confusing we were in counselling when it happened. not separated but not connected either, living in the same house but apart. ....this is quite painful to write about. hence the short sentences i suppose. im writing in a style that i dont normally do.
so what has changed from last year? i said not a lot??? is that possible after everything that has happened??? and here's the thing....EVERYTHING has changed but NOTHING has.....go figure.
not sure if i can write more....still trying to figure it all out.
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